The past events influence the presents and future events

I was screwed up for the relationship with Ashim. I hung out with her the day before yesterday night. We went to Q, a pool place, and bought a bottle of vodka for getting fucked up. We went to her place. Everything was fine. She offered Turkish foods and a weed cooky. I ate them as much as I could. Plus, I was getting high. She already got high. She played some Turkish music and Africa country music. She was singing with light dance on the chair. Suddenly, she said her bottom stomach killed her. I gave her massage because I really want her to be fine. She used a restroom several times. Finally, she start to cry because her stomach pain killed her. I saw her face. Shit! I've never seen someone who was crying because she was extreme pain. So, I stood up next her and gave her shoulder and back massage. As time went on, she seemed to be chilled. Then she lied on her bed. When she lied on the bed, she said to me "Eunki, could you play a song after the one of the Kill Bill movie sound track. I was not totally high and listen to music on the chair. I though I should go home at that time. However, it was raining outside. When the song was played, she got up and stared at me. I thought it was a sign of something. I was confused too. Maybe she tested of my emotion. I started to act of the mind. Although I didn't have sex with her, she didn't want to do anything with me. The next day she left home. I was waiting for her because I want to talk with her what was going on last night. She didn't come back home. I called her she answered the phone that she told me why have I done to her last night. I explained to her but she didn't understand. I met her one to one and I asked her to date with me. She said she didn't know. Also, when she came back home, I talked her something, which was important to her. I didn't remember what I said to her. She also said she was waiting for her future husband. If she doesn't find out her future husband, she doesn't date with a man. What the heck! How come she meet her future husband without the dating? I am not ready to get marry with someone yet. I wanted to know her and we needed to spend time to know each other. I am going to leave this country the end of the next month. So, I asked her to be a good friend with me. She said she couldn't do that kinds of the relationship with me. So, I left her. By the way, when she returned home, she brought a dead bird, a cardinal which was smashed by a car or human either. Then she washed it in her bathroom and took out its all of organs. I didn't get it her behavior. Why did she bring it her home and wash it? She said she was going to burry it in front her apartment yard. Her behavior was the weirdest I had never seen it before. She is cute and has a warm mind. I am sorry for her, also I lost a friendship with her. I should have left home when she went to bed. It is a cause and effect. The past my action influenced the present and future event. Determinism~~

Graduation

I have lived in the U.S. for four and half years, and I have a bachelor degree of Indiana University.
Today is supposed to be an awesome day, but my body condition is pretty bad. I want to go out and hang out telecom people, but I may not go out. I am also worried about a math grade. Last Friday I took a final exam of math. I am screwed up badly. For that reason, my brain is killing me.
I am going to chill out and think about going out.